Rock Bottom

December 24th, 2017, I hit rock bottom. That's where it all began (or fell apart). My name is Christina (known by most as CC) Cestaro, and this is my journey of self-growth. I have been suffering from severe OCD and anxiety for almost all of my life that I can remember- starting at the age of 5 and let me tell you, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. But I am extremely grateful and proud of who I am today for fighting through these grueling disorders and learning how to "let-go" of the small stuff.

I wanted to write more of a bio about myself here to introduce you all to who I am, but I thought that this would be more of an interesting approach to let you into my world. Yes, I do realize how personal this may be, but I've always wanted to share my story with others in a way to paint the picture of how YOU (and only you) have the power to take control of your life and make changes for the better. This is also a way for people to understand who I am without interruptions or repeating my story to several people. Now, let's get into it...

Growing up, I've always been full of creative energy- so much that sometimes I didn't know what to do with myself! I really must've drove my parents crazy (sorry mom and dad). My mother has the patience of a Saint but after awhile, it's hard to keep up with a child like I was. Although my mom was so proud of me for always being involved in extracurricular activities, doing well in school, and not getting into any trouble outside of the house; when I was home it was a different story... I was diagnosed with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) at the age of 5 years old when my mom finally was able to drag me to see a child psychologist. I hated any clothes touching me, which meant I bought clothes and shoes 3 sizes too big and even cut up parts of my catholic school uniform so it wouldn't be so tight on me. That was just the beginning. I also did not like anyone going into my room or touching any of my things, it would drive me crazy to the point where I would even notice if someone moved something a centimeter over in my room. This is something I am still working on today, but I have gotten so much better after finally deciding to go to talk therapy along with accepting the fact that I need to also take medication to aid in this process. After all these years fighting with myself and my family about seeking help, it was and IS the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Now, I'm sure you're all wondering what happened on Christmas Eve 2017. Well, to sum it up, I broke down into what I like to call an "OCD meltdown". This caused me extreme anxiety and in result of this I had a huge fight with my mom and sister because they were finally fed up with my nonsense since I wasn't even trying to better myself. That was my wake-up call. When my mom, who is my best friend in the whole world, and my little sister that is supposed to look up to me, wouldn't talk to me anymore. I felt alone but I knew what I had to do. With the help of my Aunt and my Father, I made them hold me accountable to find the right psychiatrist and not to let me stop searching until I found one that I actually liked. It took me 3 tries, and the exhaustion of repeating my story to strangers but I finally found the perfect one. I trust my therapist because he listens to me and helps me rationalize my thoughts without judgement.

With a mixture of talk therapy and medication, I have seen myself grow so much over the past year and a half and I couldn't be happier. I truly feel more like myself then I ever have in my life and it's all because I finally decided to seek help and be true to myself. <3